Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Bucket Dippers

Bucket Dippers, that's what I call them. You know the people that come along and just dip out of your bucket but they never really put anything back in. Energy drainers, passion stealers, dream squashers, whatever you want to call them, they are the people that make you want to run the other direction, screen your calls, and fill your calendars. I know that might sound mean but I know you all have someone that comes to mind. I used to put up with people like this in my life. I had to be nice, didn't want to offend anyone, be the good girl and all that jazz. Here is what I have learned though, it has nothing to do with being nice or good or loving, it has to do with setting boundaries and not letting people steal your energy. I know God has called us to love our neighbors and to show His love to others and I think you can do that and still set up some boundaries in your life. Last year I read a book and it really changed my thinking. It is called Fool-Proofing Your Life by Jan Silvious. It is a study on relationships from Proverbs, an honorable way to deal with the impossible people in your life. Sounds nice huh. Well, it has changed the way I deal with some of the people in my life. We all have fools in our life. Those people that never learn, constantly make the same mistakes and always blame everyone else for it. They create strife and spread slander. Some of them are friends, some relatives, some that we inherited through marriage, and some that we have chosen to have in our lives either through friendship and well sometimes marriage. The Bible defines these people as fools. It also warns us that when we keep the company of fools we are headed for destruction. There are ways to deal with these people that leave you feeling frustrated, angry, hurt, drained, and ready to slam your head into a wall! If you are thinking hey, I need this then I highly recommend this book. It is a fairly easy study and very eye-opening! All of this to come back to the fact that their are people in our lives that drain our passion. Part of One Month to Live is to live passionately. I think that really making a conscious choice about who we allow into our lives is important. I deal with people daily. Some are in crisis, some are hurt, some are reaping the consequences of their actions and looking for a quick fix. Whatever is happening I try to be there and listen and help resolve some of the problems. I hope that I show them the same love that Jesus would, the same compassion but at the end of the day they are not the ones that I confide in. Even Jesus had his 12 disciples that were his closest friends. He was closer to some than others. He was even betrayed by a few. It's that very similar to our lives though. I have close friends. Some are closer than others and yes, I have been betrayed by a few as well. I am at a place in my life right now where I am very happy about those that are on my inner circle. I trust them and love them and know that they support me. I can't say that life has always been that way. I have had times when I have had to think hard about who I would call on if I had a problem, crisis, emergency. That is not a fun place to be. I have cut my bucket dippers out! It has been hard not to get sucked back into the drama but you know what, I am so much happier! I just came to a point that I was done, couldn't take it any more. I still pray for these people and I hope that they will change but I am not going to be the one to change them. So they are gone. What does that mean? Well I still talk to them but I keep things are a more superficial level. I don't allow them to steal my energy or suck me into their drama or make me feel like I need to fix their problem. Was this hard at first? yes, I felt guilty but what I found is that they will survive and I have a lot more energy and a lot less frustration. So I was already working on this but when I started One Month to Live it actually reinforced this in my mind. I mean really, think about it, if you had one month to live would you be spending it with the people that you are doing life with right now? If not why?

1 comment:

Kim said...

the book Boundaries really opened my eyes to setting them with bucket dippers, or those with victim mentality. It's a fine line between loving and being involved, but you're so right, we are not their avenue for change.