Surrender

Ever have those moments when God just whispers in your ear? That tiny quite thought that makes you stop right in your tracks? It's amazing and surreal all at the same time. We often keep those moments to ourselves. I mean if you go walking around telling everyone God spoke to you, you might be crazy right? Well, sometimes I think those moments should be shared. I had a moment like that today. I was sitting at the bus stop with my little man this morning. It was a typical morning when I noticed he had a pocket New Testament with him. I asked him what he was doing with it and he said he was taking it to school. "I can do that right mom". I said of course you can. Students have the right to take a Bible if they want to. he slipped it into the side pocket of his cargo shorts and gave his leg a pat. I thought, how nice it was and felt as if it would protect him. That's when it happen. A tiny voice that said, "What if I call him"? My heart stopped. I know there are some that might see this as a privilege or honor and I am going to be honest that was not my first thought. It was Lord, really? Why him? but God he is mine. God answered right back with no, he is Mine. I knew He was right but it still made my heart ache a little and all for selfish reasons. When he was a baby I prayed God would have him, protect him, use him but he was so tiny and it seemed a million years away before that would ever happen. In the blink of an eye hear we are 12 years later and my years left with him are becoming shorter. I thought of Hannah taking Samuel to the temple and giving him to God. I will be honest I am thankful I was not asked to do that. I thought of the sacrifice made and the sacrifices to be made. Do I think that God is going to call my son? I have no idea but that little question sure made me see that he is not mine. God has a plan for his life that is out of my control. I can guide him, teach him, pray for him, love him, and enjoy every minute of him but in the end he belongs to God. So today I had to make a quite surrender. I had to give him to God.

I made it through the rain

Do you remember that song? It was really Corny but the kind of tune that got stuck in your head. Well, if you read my previous post it makes total sense. Seems the last time I sat down to get the noise in my head down on paper (or virtual paper) there was a storm brewing in kerbyville. I think that might have been one of the most stressful days I have ever experienced. It started out normal and by the end of the day I realized I have control over absolutely nothing. It was an ordinary Tuesday, I took the morning off to take my girl to the doctor. Nothing major just a little wart removal (yuck). We had some extra time so we stopped for lunch before heading off to school. I walked into school and all you know what had broke loose. My principal was out of town so guess who was in charge, yep me. Fun. Well it might have been if I didn't have two little darlings staring at me. One had hit two teacher aides and the other had brought a toy gun to school. So I did what any good administrator would do, I suspended them. Okay might seem a little harsh but you had to have the whole story, it involved some lying and spitefulness. Any hoo, I was supposed to be at a meeting where I was presenting to the entire group of elementary counselors and I had to call and cancel. Then I had two groups to facilitate. I finished one group and noticed that my husband had called me 5 times. He never does that so I thought I better call back. I had a group of girls standing at my door and I told them I had to call him really quick. He answers and I notice a tone in his voice. I told him I just had a minute and he said he would just call me later, I knew something was wrong and I said did you get fired? He says yea, and I will call you later. My mind started spinning out of control. What just happened? I had no idea what to do so I just sucked it up and did my group. Later when I got home I called him to discuss details. He wasn't technically fired, he was laid off. That's the nice way that companies put it when they have no reason to let you go. So, there we were right in the middle of a storm. Now if you know me at all then you know that I might just be a little bit of a control freak and I do not like the unknown. The one thing that this whole experience has taught me is that we really have no control over anything and that you can survive on a lot less than you thought. So where are we now? Well, we are on the other side of the storm and I have learned once again that God is faithful to us. The mister started his new job today, the exact date that we received his last severance check. As a family we have learned to appreciate the little things, to spend less, to pull together in tough times, and to be very thankful for what we have. We joked about being in a budget crisis (although it was not a joke) and figured out ways to save. We also learned that although we felt "broke" we were incredible blessed. At the time if seemed like the worst possible thing that could happen to us, now I see the whole experience as a blessing. It was humbling and it forced us to slow down and look at what truly mattered. The storm has passed in kerbyville for now and we made it through the rain.