Technology Natives

Every generation of parents have new things to contend with that make parenting just plain hard. The economy, wars, drugs, alcohol, they have all been around for generations but we are the first generation of parents that have had to deal with technology. I have heard it said that we are technology immigrants but our children are technology natives. Trust me I am sure our parents would have loved to have popped in a DVD for an eight hour car ride or told us to pop in our ear buds to listen to Bon Jovi instead of having it blare on our boom boxes. Doing their monthly budget on Quicken would have been way easier than the legal pad at the kitchen table. We all love technology. As a parent though it can make our lives tough. Our kids can have instant access to their friends 24/7. They can play video games with people half way around the world and text faster than they can speak. As parents there is no way we can read every text, check every email, and screen every game, video, song that comes into their life. Technology is to fast for us. We just can't do it. We had an example of this in Kerbyville this week. My little man found a video game that he wanted. He played it with a friend and told me how it's not to violent, the language is not that bad, and it was really cool. His friend said the same and the he had the game. We have been very busy so little man had to wait about a month to buy this game. He had been checking it out at Game Stop and found a used copy. We were shopping for school clothes after a long week of school so when he asked if he could get it I said okay. I didn't really look at the game because I was trusting the judgement of a friend. Little man got it home and started to play. I always go in to check out his new games and this one made me cringe just a little. Every time he got shot blood splattered on the screen and there was some language. So I picked up the case and looked at the rating. I was rated Teen which is not always bad. This one was rated T for blood, violence, drug references, language, and weapons. Sounds lovely. His dad and I had a discussion about it and decided he needed to take it back. I braced myself for a total meltdown, freak out, fit that most 11 would give when told they had to take something back. I told him we had been thinking about the game and that it really didn't fit with our standard for games. I asked him what he thought and he said well, I like it. I said I know you do but do you think it is a good game? He said probably not and I will take it back. I almost fell flat on the floor. No fussing, no fuming. I could tell he was disappointed and I told him I was sorry for that. I asked him how God would feel about the game and he said I should take it back. So off we went to Game Stop to return the game and find something new. Those guys that work their are great. They helped him find something that did fit our standard and I think he actually likes the new game better. They told me how to get demos of games so I can check them out before he buys. You know, through this whole thing I thought maybe I should just let him keep it. I didn't want to be that mom, the one that is strict and uncool, but something inside me said no, take a stand. I am happy that I did. I have never been prouder of him and realized how much he is growing up and developing his own standards. If I had backed down for fear of a fit or him hating me we would have missed this moment. I would have compromised our whole family. So to all you parents out there trying to navigate this world of technology, it's okay to say no, I love you to much to let you have or do this. It's okay to say, sorry I should have checked this out a little closer. We can take a stand to protect our kids. It's not always easy but in the end it's priceless.

~Scarlett

I want to be naive. It would make life a whole lot easier. You know walking around pretending all is good in the world and nothing bad ever happens. Naive, it would be wonderful! I wouldn't have to get that lump in my throat when I think about sending my kids off to school. I wouldn't have to sit with a student and feel my heart break for them. I wouldn't have to get on a soapbox and rant about all the evils in the world. I could sit on my patio sipping tea and listening to the birds sing. Life could be all rainbows and unicorns. What good would that do though? I mean really what good would be done in this world if we were naive. None. We would not have the eyes to see or the heart to help. So you might be wondering where this little rant is coming from well join the club. For some reason God thought that I needed to be a little less naive this week. I have weeks like that when I am bombarded with information that I wish I never knew. This week though I thought I would share. It started out when I came across and article about a new site called chatroulette. For some of you this may mean nothing but if you know anything about this site you are probably starting a rant all of your own right now. So what is this lovely little site. It was developed by a 17 year old and basically you can video chat with a stranger at the click of a mouse. Don't like that person just click and move on. Sounds innocent enough right? Might sound a little less innocent when you hear that 1 in 10 users are naked and/or m*sturbating. 50% of users are engaged in inappropriate behaviors. So what's the draw? Well to kids it's the thrill of seeing who you will get and the fact that several celebs have been spotted on the site. What tween girl would not die if they came across Justin Beiber or the Jo Bros? The problem is they will find Joe who is 60 and naked before they will find a Jonas brother. Creepy and scary all at the same time. Think well that won't happen in my house. Well maybe not but what about the sleepover your girl is scheduled to attend Friday night? Yeah, I know scary and I can feel that same lump that just came up in your throat right now. I can also hear the question that just popped into your head, What do I do now? Lock them in a room! Okay that's probably not legal but unfortunately chatroulette is. So what to do. Talk to your kids. Let them know that you are concerned for their safety. Let them know that you trust they will make a good decision and coach them through the situation. Role play what they could say or do if a friend is asking them to participate in this kind of activity. Most kids don't want to chat with strangers. The whole creepy predator thing scares them but they might just want to check out the site once. The problem is what will they see and how long will that image be burned into their mind. If they understand the dangers up front they will be less likely to want to join in. I always love when parents don't want to talk to their kids about things because it will just give them ideas. Really, well when they were 2 you told them not to run in the street, weren't you concerned it would give them an idea? What about warning them about stray dogs, maybe it would tempt them to pet one. Oh and there is the whole don't get in the car with a stranger maybe they would want to know why and try it. Come on people, we have to arm our teens with knowledge so they can make the right decisions. Whose voice do you want popping into their heads when they are faced with moral decisions, yours or their best friends? Talk to them, don't lecture or preach, just have a conversation. Trust me I am right there with you, scared to death when I think of all the things that prey on the minds of our kids. I pray everyday that God will protect their minds and hearts. I also know that God has called us as parents to prepare our children for these battles that they will face everyday. We have to face the giants and fight for our kids. You are the greatest influence in their lives. Love them and talk to them, they will thank you for it one day.

Day 1

Okay, we will see if I actually record 30 days of no regrets hey, I can try. So I just noticed that this is my 100th post! I guess I should have a give away or party or something....don't get excited...I'm not. Woo Hoo, there ya go celebration! Well, it is Monday. That word can send shivers down your spine. If I were a day of the week I would not want to be Monday. It gets a bad rap. So our Monday started like most...hectic, late, tired, cold, foggy, blah. I decided this morning that I didn't care! I was going to have a good day and I was not going to nag at my kids so I didn't. We were late this morning but I did not let my heart rate rise. What is 10 minutes in the grand scheme of things? Guess What...nothing happened! No one died and it was no big deal. So I think I saved myself a few years off my life by not allowing my blood pressure to rise and I know my kids had a better day because of it. We had a nice peaceful ride to school and a great day. We had a yummy home made dinner thanks to my Rachel Ray magazine and now I am sitting alone while they are at a 4-H meeting with dad. Simple but good! No regrets. So I uploaded a little video for all you moms out there. Cute but made me think about my kids' perspective. I want to be a little less like this!

Lately it seems that I have been giving out a lot of parenting advice. I have had friends call all in a tizzy just wondering what to do with their little darlings and at a complete loss as to where to start. I wonder sometimes why they call me. Maybe it is because my kids are older (9 and 6) and I have gone through the terrible twos, threes, and fours. Maybe it is because I have a Masters degree in Counseling and all those years in school should be good for something. Maybe it is because I have worked as a school counselor for the last 11 years and one would hope that I would have gained some knowledge along the way, and then it occurred to me....they call me because my kids are little angels. They always do what I ask and they never throw fits in public. They are perfect children!.....ha.....even a Masters degree in counseling doesn't keep you from yelling "do you want a spanking", "if you don't stop crying I'll.....well you get the picture. Parenting is hard. That is all there is to it....it's hard! Yea I know I see those perfect little families in the restaurants too. You know the ones where the kids look like they just stepped out of a Baby Gap ad. Dad could be on the cover of GQ and well mom, you just want to scratch her eyes out because there is not a woman on earth that wouldn't want to be a size 2 after popping out a few kids and how does she keep those designer jeans so clean? I tell you what, those people are just a heartbeat away from a meltdown....you know what I mean....."the ketchup is touching my green beans" or "there is mustard on my burger and I hate mustard!!!!!!" See, it just looks like they have it together and you are pulling your hair out. Let's face it, we are all flying by the seat of our pants in this parenting thing. So, I thought I would give a little advice that I have learned as a mom and well, an educator (I have learned more as a mom though). There are a few simple things that every kids needs to succeed (no it is not an Nintendo or a baby Einstein video).



1. Every kid needs to be loved. They need to be told they are loved and given affirmation, real affirmation, they know when you are faking and please don't tell your kid they are really good at something when they aren't. I am not saying crush their spirit but let's face it false affirmation doesn't do them any good.



2. Every kid needs stability and a schedule. No I am not saying that you must have them in bed every night by 7:30 or the world will fall apart, but some type of routine and schedule through out their day gives them security. Maybe you read a story every night before bed or you sing the same song. These are the things that make kids feel loved and secure.



3. Every kid need boundaries. Show me a kid that doesn't have boundaries and I will show you hell on wheels! It is okay to say no and mean it!!!! It is your right, heck it is your God given duty to set those boundaries. Will they test them.....uh YES! That is okay. It is what they are supposed to do. They are just checking to see if you really mean what you say. When they realize you do then they can trust you and believe that you will always be there. They will also believe you when you tell them you love them.



4. Our goal as parents should be to raise responsible independent kids. I know, I know that independent word....it means they will leave....guess what, one day you will actually want them to leave. Who really wants a 40 year old living in their basement. What does that mean as parents. We have to let them learn lessons and we can't rescue them from everything. Falling on your face at 6 hurts a lot less than it does when you are 26. Let them learn and let them feel the pain of their mistakes. Let them manage their money and when they want to spend it on something well.....cheap or frivolous....let them. They will see the error of their ways and learn some really good life lessons. It sure beats being racked up in credit card debit at 25.



So really it all comes down to 4 things....oh if it were that easy. I wish it were that easy. I am glad that my friends call and ask for advice. It helps me learn new things as well. We parents have to stick together. The next time you see that perfect little family just remember their kids are kids....just like yours and mine....trust me they throw fits as well.



*****I love Love and Logic they have some of the best parenting books out there. If you need some practical tips on what to do with your little ones check out their site. This stuff really works! I use it on my own kids, they hate it and I love it. They even have Cd's that you can listen to since most of us do not have time to sit down and read. Check it out!



~Scarlett